Monday, July 01, 2013

R.I.P Old Me

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My life is not fabulous as it seem. I am a normal teenager with a little damage here and there.



So, you see.

This post is gonna be the angriest post I ever written on my blog. Maybe I can include this as writer violent or whatever, but really, I am angry right now. Not gonna mention why, I probably don't want to go back at the day when I becoming alay and suddenly post angry stuff so people would pay attention to me.
NO. THAT'S NOT THE REASON WHY I POST THIS.
People have a bad day but for me everyday is like a bad day. Is like I have to struggle with my anger management because every second I have to change my mind to this and that, and when I can't achieve something I get angry and suddenly I kill everyone on my mind.

I am labile but that's just me as a seventeen year old girl trying to find who am I.
I want to be perfect but sometimes I'm insecure.
I want to be nice but sometimes people doesn't like nice people and treat them like shit.
I want a perfect life with perfect body but sometimes I can't handle the jealous bitches.
I want to have a lot of friends but sometimes I can't handle the hypocritical.

I miss the old me when I don't even give a damn about everything. I love who I am. I am fat, unfashionable, back to the day when I was nice and sweet and always forgive everyone around me, I always thankful and giving. I never talk about my friends behind her back, I'm not hypocrite and I make sure I never be.

AND NOW. I don't even know what god makes me. I can't even recognize my self anymore.

In social life, I hate everyone. Everybody is mean and so uncool and I just stab them in the face by a knife on my mind. I'm smile to them, I laugh with them. I am the biggest HYPOCRITE PERSON ever. When you make a good thing everyone not gonna even remember. Just saying if I help my friend from nearly death like someone gonna stab him and I just push the murder away, a weeks later, everyone not gonna mention everything about it. But when you make a bad things suddenly everyone remembers. Example case, if I was caught sleeping with a boy even ten years later everyone still remember it.

A: "Do you remember Dinda our high school friend?"
B: "Ew, that girl who sleep with a boy ten years ago? What about her?"
A: "I heard she success now and own her own company."
B: "Who cares?! If she was a bitch, forever bitches."

See? The reason I don't want to grown up is because being a grown up is fucked up and everyone will fucked you up more. The things will stressed you out.